Daddy always tells me that girls who like girls are bad, and boys who like boys, they’re worse. He says so because he as a penis. He says so because he thinks his manhood is in danger. He says so because Brokeback Mountain got movie of the year. He says so, because God says so. And I remember believing him, when I was little. I remember hating girls that like girls because I knew I was one of them. Those girls who like girls, they’re not good people. Daddy told me so.

I remember when she and I, when we, stretched ourselves out across the trampoline on the 4th. We had a big blanket around us so daddy couldn’t see. I remember thinking ‘this is heaven on springs’ and it was. Until he came. I remember reaching for her hand, but I remember touching his. Touching their hands. She said she felt beautiful with both of us. It didn’t hurt so much at first, no, it didn’t hurt. Then...

Matt and I don’t hold hands like that.
Matt and I don’t kiss like that.
Matt and I aren’t like that.
Matt and I don’t do that.

Then it hurt.

I wasn’t beautiful, no. I wasn’t beautiful when she only reached for me when he was watching. But she was beautiful, with both of us. Yeah, she felt beautiful.

Those girls who like girls, they’re not good people. Daddy and god, they told me so.